A relatively low scoring week saw some of the pre-season favorites put up big points, many of them playing each other leaving two on hundred plus scoring teams in the losers column. Thanks to the rule changes though scoring big and losing isn't the kiss of death. I also love that a certain arrogant owner was called out by the computer for being the "worst game day coach" - presumably for the value of points left on the bench - but irrespective it's nice to suffer some humility. Without further ado, here's the CBS sportsline automated game recaps.
Vernon Davis scores 37 points to help put away East Bay Funk
Coach Todd Feinberg has probably found some other ways (whittling maybe?) to pass the time during their recent games The previous two games were blowouts, and this week's action was no different. Palo Alto Short Buscrushed East Bay Funk, winning 133.3 to 95.2. Those 133 points made Palo Alto Short Bus the highest scoring team overall this season, wresting the crown from Los Altos Isotopes.
The win brings Palo Alto Short Bus' record to 4 - 2, while dropping East Bay Funk to 3 - 3.
Vernon Davis was the key contributor for Palo Alto Short Bus, producing 37 points. That set the new high mark for all tight ends this season. He is on quite a hot streak, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks.
Two players stood out for their poor performance on East Bay Funk, with Danny Amendola and Austin Pettis combining to score only 1 point. Pettis' 1 point were the fewest he has scored so far this year. His performance this week also ended a four game streak of beating the expert's projections.
Palo Alto Short Bus will face off against Fuego next week. That team will limp into the contest having posted only 47 points this week. Fuego won't have Jimmy Graham available to start in that contest. As for East Bay Funk, they will square off against Naughty Thoughts next week.
Vincent Jackson (24 points) leads Engel Shiz to a win over Pomona Stoned Hens
Engel Shiz were able to grind out a solid victory this week against Pomona Stoned Hens, winning by a score of 107 to 93. The win brings Engel Shiz's record to 4 - 2, while dropping Pomona Stoned Hens to 1 - 5.
Vincent Jackson was the clear leader on Engel Shiz this week, racking up 24 points. Jackson topped all wide receivers this week with that performance. He and new QB Mike Glennon got off to a rocky start two weeks ago, but must have used the bye week to figure things out, as they connected on a pair of impressive TDs.
Pomona Stoned Hens can place the blame for this loss squarely on Michael Vick, who scored no points. That was fewer than every other quarterback this week. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for Vick, who has seen his point total drop in each of the last four weeks.
Coach Brian Talbott has to be kicking themself for their lineup decisions this week. They left Tony Gonzalez in the lineup, despite the fact that he had a bye week. They also left Vick in the lineup when Mike Glennon was expected to get more points off the bench.
That cost their team 18 points directly (plus whatever the waiver wire would have brought), which cost their team the game. After their decisions this week, they has now cost their team points for the season (14 points worse than the experts).
I Got This
Brandon Marshall calls his own number to earn a win
Salem Beavercats' point total had gotten lower and lower for each of the past three weeks. They broke that streak this week, but it didn't matter. Coach Josh Wetzel's boys got beat by Strongfighters, 117.23 to 103.3. Tough luck loss for Salem Beavercats, who would have won against eleven other teams this week.
The defeat puts Salem Beavercats on a three game losing streak, which brings their record to 2 - 4. The win brings Strongfighters to 4 - 2.
Strongfighters got a nice group performance in the win, as five players beat their positional averages. Brandon Marshall was just a bit ahead of the others, recording 21 points.1 Good performances are nothing new for Marshall, who has been the top performer on Strongfighters more times than any other player. While everyone else was wearing pink for a good cause, Marshall was wearing green for another good cause (and scoring two TDswhile doing so).
Ronnie Hillman's performance has been one of the main reasons that Salem Beavercats has been on a losing streak, and this week was a case in point. Hillman was part of a three man group of troublemakers, teaming up with Andrew Luck and Marques Colston to score 8 points. Hillman has now underperformed the league average running back in three straight games.
Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson was no passive bystander in the victory this week. They went with Zac Stacy over the higher ranked Joique Bell.
This decision netted Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson an extra 6 points. Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson's decisions this week allow them to relinquish their title as the worst gameday coach in the league (Coach Todd Feinberg wears the crown now).
Knowshon Moreno helps BINGO end their 3 game losing streak
Coach Coach Todd Conner really needed someone to lend them a hand and help end their three game losing streak. Coach Patrick Simmons was only too happy to help. BINGO made it past South Whore Jibbers, winning 84.87 to 76.7. The win brings BINGO's record to 2 - 4, while dropping South Whore Jibbers to 1 - 5.
BINGO were led by the two man wrecking crew of Knowshon Moreno and Matthew Stafford, who combined for 62% of BINGO's points. Stafford's performance this week stopped his three game streak of not meeting his projections. He seems to have a budding bromance with rookie tight end Joseph Fauria, finding him not once, not twice, but three times for TDs.
Montee Ball loomed large in the loss for South Whore Jibbers, tallying 2 points. That was the fewest of any running back this week. He has now failed to hit his expected points in any game so far this year.
It was important for BINGO to get the win over an easy opponent this week, as its next two games are against winning teams, starting with Los Altos Isotopes next week. Los Altos Isotopes comes into the match on a three game winning streak. Meanwhile, South Whore Jibbers will collide with Delta Mad Dawgs.
Don't Test Me
Nick Foles' 31 points were too much for Monkey Fust
Coming into the game, BLAK JESUS had scored the second fewest points of any team over the last three weeks. Coach BLAK JESUS's squad put up a decent number of points this week though, and that was enough. BLAK JESUS wound up with a solid victory against Monkey Fust, winning 85.17 to 69.9. The win brings BLAK JESUS's record to 2 - 4, while dropping Monkey Fust to an identical 2 - 4.
Nick Foles made it into the starting lineup for the first time this week, and he definitely made the most of it. BLAK JESUS relied heavily on Foles, who racked up 31 points. That makes it three straight games of overperforming expectations for he. Through the air or on the ground, Foles found the end zone four times, including this 47 yard bomb to Riley Cooper.
Meanwhile, Coach Jeff Burke will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. Monkey Fust were brought down by eight underperformers, the worst of whom was Matt Schaub (6 points).2 Coach Burke has to be used to bad scores from Schaub, who has been the worst performer on Monkey Fust more times than any other player. He can’t seem to catch a break, after his recent pick-six struggles he went down with an ankle injury and passed the pick-six torch to T.J. Yates.
Next week will see BLAK JESUS taking on the 1 - 5 Pomona Stoned Hens. BLAK JESUS will come into the next game having won their last two games. That's a big change from two weeks ago, when they had just finished losing their 4th game in a row.
Monkey Fust begins a difficult two game stretch starting with Engel Shiz next week. Monkey Fust have now been the favorite in both their last two games, and failed to perform both times. The experts might not give them the benefit of the doubt in their next one.
End of the Line
Fuego can't extend their winning streak past Josh Gordon and Naughty Thoughts
Naughty Thoughts made sure that they didn't become the 4th straight team to lose to Fuego. Naughty Thoughts gave Fuego a 85 to 47 point drubbing. Naughty Thoughts set their new low mark for the season with those 85 points.
The result gets both squads back to a .500 record at 3 - 3.
Naughty Thoughts were a picture of symmetry, winning with a very balanced lineup. Josh Gordon paced the team by beating the average wide receiver by 4 points, while Antonio Gates (5 points worse than the average tight end) was the worst on the team. This is the 2nd time this year that Gordon has paced Naughty Thoughts.
This week's loss for Fuego was a true group effort. Ryan Fitzpatrick was the worst of a eight man group of underperformers, dropping only 7 points.2
Next week, Fuego will be playing Palo Alto Short Bus. Palo Alto Short Bus have been racking up the points recently, posting two straight 100 point games.
Meanwhile, Naughty Thoughts will take on East Bay Funk next week. East Bay Funk lost this week, and will be looking to avoid their first back-to-back losses.
DeSean Jackson and Los Altos Isotopes stay hot against Delta Mad Dawgs
Los Altos Isotopes earned a pretty comfortable victory over Delta Mad Dawgs, winning 77.03 to 58.53. The victory makes it three in a row for Los Altos Isotopes, bringing their record to 5 - 1. The loss drops Delta Mad Dawgs' record to 4 - 2.
DeSean Jackson separated himself from the rest of the crew on Los Altos Isotopes, delivering 20 points. That's all in a day's work for the best wide receiver in the league.
Meanwhile, Delta Mad Dawgs suffered from two goose eggs, with Sean McGrath and Cecil Shorts failing to contribute anything. Shorts’ day was, well, short, playing only three snaps before leaving the game with a sprain in his AC joint.
Coaches S Goldberg and T Ord could have won this game with the right lineup. They started Ryan Succop instead of Randy Bullock, despite the experts' prediction that Bullock should have played.
This decision cost Delta Mad Dawgs a total of 1 point. If Coaches Stephen Goldberg and Tom Ord had left Succop on the bench and also started Kenny Stills and Chris Ogbonnaya, Delta Mad Dawgs would have won the game.
Brushing 'Em Off
Justin Blackmon led the charge in a blowout
There were several blowouts this week, but none bigger than this one. Los Frijoles Pinto destroyed Team Kitty, winning 103.67 to 60.67. The win brings Los Frijoles Pinto's record to 5 - 1, while dropping Team Kitty to 3 - 3.
Los Frijoles Pinto had several players step up in the win, as four starters beat their positional averages. Justin Blackmon was the best of the bunch, dropping 19 points.
Coaches David Weaver and Jonah Steinhart will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. Team Kitty had eight underperformers, with Eli Manning (8 points) being the worst.2 This is the 2nd time this year that he was the worst starter on his team. He has now underperformed the experts' predictions in five straight games.
Team Kitty will be going against Salem Beavercats next week. Team Kitty will get to face Salem Beavercats while that squad is in the middle of a three game losing streak. As for Los Frijoles Pinto, they will match up withStrongfighters.
- Player didn't have most points on team, but did the best compared to their position
- Player didn't have fewest points on team, but did the worst versus their positional average