Here are Week 2 Game Recaps, saved for posterity.
Calvin Johnson leaves BLAK JESUS in the rear view mirror
The experts predicted that Engel Shiz would have the most points this week. The experts were right. Engel Shiz demolished BLAK JESUS, winning 123.8 to 68.4. The win brings Engel Shiz's record to 2 - 0, while dropping BLAK JESUS to 0 - 2.Calvin Johnson was probably in Coaches Aaron Blumenkranz and Mark Thompson's doghouse after last week's 4 point 'performance'. He might be let out now. Megatron joined up with Aaron Rodgers to score 51% of Engel Shiz's points. Johnson contributed a 30 point performance, which was good for 5th place among all players this week.1
Coach BLAK JESUS will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. They had eight underperformers, with Andre Roberts (4 points) being the worst.2Coach JESUS might be feeling a little anxious about the trade that brought Roberts over.
Coach JESUS has to take some of the blame for the bad result. They left Sebastian Janikowski and Lamar Miller on the bench in favor of Phil Dawson and Pierre Thomas, who were both expected to score less.
These decisions shaved 20 points from BLAK JESUS's score, which--thankfully for Coach JESUS--didn't matter much this game. It did make it back-to-back weeks now where Coach JESUS has cost their team points.
Marshawn Lynch scores 32 points to help put away Team Kitty
It's not that hard to win when you have the league's top performer for the week, and Marshawn Lynch was that player.3 Lynch made it rain for Palo Alto Short Bus, putting up 32 points. He showed off his vaunted ability to run between the tackles on this 14 yard TD.
It will be difficult for Coaches David Weaver and Jonah Steinhart to fault any one player for this loss. Team Kitty had six underperformers, with Maurice Jones-Drew (3 points) being the worst. Jones-Drew left Sunday's game with a tendon sprain (x-rays were negative), but his chances of scoring much of anything next week in Seattle are probably low regardless of health.
On the coaching front, Coaches David Weaver and Jonah Steinhart followed the experts' advice for each position this week and ended up with a perfect lineup. They were the only coach this week to pull that off.
Uh...Maybe Next Time
DeSean Jackson helps Los Altos Isotopes win a laugher this week against South Whore Jibbers
The experts predicted this would be a close game. The experts were wrong...big time. Los Altos Isotopes perfectly destroyed South Whore Jibbers, winning 114.47 to 47.03. The win brings Los Altos Isotopes' record to 2 - 0, while dropping South Whore Jibbers to 0 - 2.DeSean Jackson was the key contributor for Los Altos Isotopes, recording 30 points. That performance topped all but two players this week.1
Meanwhile, Jared Cook and Eddie Lacy were quite coordinated in their failures for South Whore Jibbers. They each scored 1 point. Cook must have gotten tired from racking up 25 points last week. He was probably the cause of more four letter words than any other player this week, as he was supposed to post 14 points.
Putting on a Show
Brandon Marshall is tops on Strongfighters in the win
Three players (Brandon Marshall, DeAndre Hopkins, and Robert Griffin III) delivered victory to Strongfighters, getting 59 of their team's 107 points.
Meanwhile, there were plenty of chefs cooking up this week's loss for Naughty Thoughts. They had six underperformers, with Kenbrell Thompkins (5 points) being the worst.2
Naughty Thoughts certainly didn't lose because of coaching issues. Coach Brill left Michael Floyd and his 12 expected points on the bench, favoring Rashard Mendenhall (7.9 points expected).
This great decision boosted Naughty Thoughts' final score by 13 points. It also earned Coach Brill 'Coach of the Week' honors, as they gave their squad more extra points than anyone else in the league.
34 points from Michael Vick not enough as Pomona Stoned Hens falls
It wasn't too close for comfort, but it was still pretty close. BINGO beatPomona Stoned Hens 106.83 to 101.27. The win evens up BINGO's record at 1 - 1. The loss drops Pomona Stoned Hens' record to 0 - 2.
BINGO were led by the tag team of Knowshon Moreno and Philip Rivers, who together totaled 52 points. Moreno overperformed his expectations by more than any other player.
Michael Vick did his best to give Pomona Stoned Hens a chance to win. Vick scored 34 points, which were the most that any quarterback collected this week. Pomona Stoned Hens also got a nice boost from Giovani Bernard, but nobody else really came through.
BINGO will be going against Los Frijoles Pinto next week. Los Frijoles Pinto will come into next week having gone over 115 points in both of their games. As for Pomona Stoned Hens, they will square off against Salem Beavercats.
Matt Ryan produces 26 points to lead Delta Mad Dawgs in victory
Delta Mad Dawgs were able to grind out a solid victory this week againstMonkey Fust, winning by a score of 84 to 69. They won despite having the 4th lowest scoring total in the league this week. The win brings Delta Mad Dawgs' record to 2 - 0, while dropping Monkey Fust to 1 - 1.
Delta Mad Dawgs relied heavily on Matt Ryan, who produced 26 points.
Meanwhile, Monkey Fust had plenty of duds in the loss. They had six underperformers, with Brent Celek (zero points) being the worst.
Delta Mad Dawgs benefited from smart coaching this week. Coaches Stephen Goldberg and Tom Ord started Fred Jackson instead of Leonard Hankerson, despite the experts' prediction that Hankerson should have played.
This decision netted Coaches Stephen Goldberg and Tom Ord an extra 8 points. This makes it back-to-back weeks where Coaches Stephen Goldberg and Tom Ord have outsmarted the experts.
Carrying the Load
Martellus Bennett brings the goods in a game against Fuego
East Bay Funk didn't have too many spare points in their win against Fuego, taking this one 116.3 to 106.5. The win gets East Bay Funk back to .500 with a 1 - 1 record. The loss drops Fuego's record to 0 - 2.
East Bay Funk won with a balanced effort, as five players outperformed their positional averages. Martellus Bennett was the best of the bunch, putting up 20 points.4 That was the 2nd most of any tight end this week. He hauled in seven catches, including the game winning TD with 12 seconds left.
Fuego suffered through poor performances from Golden Tate, Josh Freeman, and Justin Tucker, who collectively racked up 12 points. Freeman scored 8 points, which were fewer than every other quarterback this week.
Game of Inches
Pierre Garcon's 20 points were key in a tight game
In a game where both teams had a shot to win, Los Frijoles Pinto handedSalem Beavercats a tough 122.1 to 117.53 loss. The win brings Los Frijoles Pinto's record to 2 - 0, while dropping Salem Beavercats to 1 - 1.
Los Frijoles Pinto got a nice group performance in the win, as six players beat their positional averages. Pierre Garcon was the first among equals, recording 20 points.4
Coach Josh Wetzel can blame the loss on Steve Smith, Stevan Ridley, and Marques Colston, who together scored only 16 points.