For posterity sake, here are the week 1 game recaps.
Pey-ton of Points
Peyton Manning drops 47 points in leading Los Frijoles Pinto to victory
Los Frijoles Pinto had Peyton Manning in the starting lineup this week, which pretty much tells you what you need to know about this game. Manning did a number on the Ravens on Thursday night. Specifically, the number '7', which was how many touchdowns he threw on his way to scoring 47 points.
Meanwhile, Kenny Britt stuck out as the worst performer for East Bay Funk, posting only 2 points. Britt was only targeted twice, although that partially stemmed from the Titans' running only 20 total pass plays.
It will be a tournament-style upcoming schedule for these teams next week. Los Frijoles Pinto will take on fellow winner Salem Beavercats. Meanwhile, East Bay Funk will go against the team that Salem Beavercats beat- Fuego.
Follow the Leader
LeSean McCoy helps deliver a win for Engel Shiz
LeSean McCoy was the key contributor for Engel Shiz, putting up 27 points. McCoy showed off his track and field moves versus the Redskins, hurdling over corner DeAngelo Hall on his way to the endzone.
Over in the loser's circle, South Whore Jibbers got a big game from Jared Cook. Cook scored 25 points, which were the most that any tight end collected this week. Unfortunately, for South Whore Jibbers, he both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.
The loss this week certainly wasn't Coach Simmons' fault. they started Eddie Lacy instead of Zach Sudfeld, despite the experts' prediction that Sudfeld should have played.
This decision netted Coach Simmons an extra 12 points. It also made Coach Simmons the best performing gameday coach this week.
35 points from Demaryius Thomas helps give Delta Mad Dawgs the win
Delta Mad Dawgs had a solid Sunday. Demaryius Thomas drove the bus, scoring 35 points. That performance (23.9 better than the avg. WR) was the 4th best of any player this week.
Meanwhile, Coach Brian Talbott's squad just couldn't quite get it going. Blaine Gabbert kept the scoreboard operator relaxed, coming up with only 2 points. That performance (-15.2 better than the avg. QB) was worse than every other player this week.1
Things were not looking good for Pomona Stoned Hens heading into Monday night. Coach Talbott needed Andre Johnson and Michael Vick to outscore Randy Bullock and Owen Daniels by 31 points.
Bullock and Daniels did pretty good, scoring 27 points and all but putting the game out of reach. Johnson and Vick gave it a good effort, but their 40 points weren't nearly enough.
Victor Cruz helps Monkey Fust cruise to victorytook advantage of a Cowboy defensive breakdown on this 70 yard TD, one of his three on the night.
Coach Todd Conner will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. BINGO had six underperformers, with Jacquizz Rodgers (0.3 points) being the worst.
Next week, BINGO will take on the 0 - 1 Pomona Stoned Hens. Both those teams projected to have sub-par squads this season, and didn't do much this week to prove those projections wrong.
Meanwhile, Monkey Fust will take on Delta Mad Dawgs next week. That game will see both of this week's top wide receivers square off, when Victor Cruz matches up against Demaryius Thomas.Points All Day
Adrian Peterson's 35 points sinks Strongfighters
Hopefully, Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson are just getting their bad breaks out of the way early. Strongfighters lost a tight one against Palo Alto Short Bus, 123.97 to 129.27. Tough luck loss for Strongfighters, who would have won against twelve other teams this week.
Adrian Peterson was expected to be the top performing RB, and that's exactly what he was. Peterson was a one-man wrecking crew, tallying 35 points. He picked up where he left off last year, going 78 yards to paydirt on his first touch.
Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson can blame the loss on Shaun Suisham, DeAndre Hopkins, and Trent Richardson, who together totaled only 15 points. Suisham scored 1 point, which was the fewest of any kicker this week.
The outcome of this one would have been different if Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson had gotten all of their lineup picks right. They went with Suisham over the higher ranked Mason Crosby.
This decision cost Strongfighters a total of 3 points. If Coaches John Matern and Tyson Robertson had left Suisham on the bench and also started Joique Bell, Strongfighters would have won the game.
Down to the Wire
All 31 of Eli Manning's points counted in Team Kitty's win
Team Kitty got more than half their points from just two players: Eli Manning and Jordan Cameron. Manning was a study in contrasts Sunday night, tossing 3 picks to go along with his 4 TDs.
Naughty Thoughts had many underperformers, but Lance Moore stood out, tallying 2 points. Moore was only targeted on four of Drew Brees' 35 attempts, which was even fewer than supposed 'fourth wideout' Kenny Stills.
Naughty Thoughts will be going against Strongfighters next week. The game might appropriately be called the 'bitter bowl', as both teams lost close ones this week.
As for Team Kitty, they will match up with Palo Alto Short Bus next week. Palo Alto Short Bus might present a challenge, having posted the highest score this week.
Leave it to Me
Anquan Boldin takes control of the game as Los Altos Isotopes wins
Anquan Boldin separated himself from the rest of the crew on Los Altos Isotopes, posting 27 points. Boldin was targeted a total of 17 times in his first game with Colin Kaepernick, which certainly bodes well for the future.
This week's loss for BLAK JESUS was a true group effort. They had eight underperformers, with Lamar Miller (1 point) being the worst.2 Miller averaged over three rushes per yard (yeah, that's right), although his competition for the starting spot didn't do much better.
Going Home Early
Dez Bryant shuts the door on Fuego's chances
Salem Beavercats underperformed a bit during Sunday's main action. Ahmad Bradshaw was the worst of a four man group of underperformers, scoring only 3 points.
While Salem Beavercats weren't doing well, Fuego were doing terrible. They had five underperformers, with Bernard Pierce (2 points) bringing up the rear.
Fuego also had to deal with a poor effort from C.J. Spiller (12 points below expected). Spiller not only performed poorly, but was outshined by supposed backup Fred Jackson, putting his lead-back status at risk.
A win was looking really unlikely for Fuego going into Sunday night's game. After Dez Bryant scored only 2 points it was all she wrote.
- Brandon Pettigrew had the lowest point total this week, but Blaine Gabbert did worse versus the average quarterback (-15.15 points) than Pettigrew did versus the average tight end (-9.43 points).
- Anthony Fasano had the lowest point total for BLAK JESUS, but Lamar Miller did worse versus the average running back (-9.47 points) than Fasano did versus the average tight end (-8.23 points).